KILLER ENGLISH - 239

                    KILLER ENGLISH 

This is an actual letter taken from a Newspaper in response to a Matrimonial advertisement .

MADAM ,

I AM ONE YOUNG GENTLEMAN LIVING WITH ONLY MYSELF IN PATNA . I AM SEEING YOUR ADVERTISEMENT FOR MARRIAGE PURPOSE IN THE DAILY NEWSPAPER . SO I DECIDE TO PRESS MYSELF ON YOU AND I AM HOPPING YOU WILL MAKE THE MARRIAGE WITH ME .

I AM THE SON OF MY FATHER AND MOTHER OF AGRICULTURE FAMILY FROM INSIDE PATNA . I HAVING NO BROTHER AND SISTER ALSO . I BECOME BIG IN PATNA ONLY . I EDUCATE MYSELF IN THE ZUARILAL HIMMATLAL HIGH SCHOOL , BEZNA ROAD

I AM NICE AND BIG , SIX FOOTS TALL AND SIX INCHES LONG . MY BODY IS FILLED WITH HARDNESS WHY BECAUSE I AM WORKING HARDLY . I AM PLAYING ALSO HARDLY . ESPECIALLY I AM LIKING THE CRICKET . I AM A GOOD BATTER ALSO I AM FAST BALLER . WHENEVER I AM RUNNING FOR BALLING ALL BATTERS ARE RUNNING EVERYWHERE BECAUSE THEY ARE AFRAIDING MY BALLS . MY BALLS ARE BOUNCING TOO MUCH HIGH . THAT IS VERY DANGER FOR THEM .

I AM NOT HAVING ANY BAD HABITS . I DRINK MILK ONLY AND NO OTHER BAD THINGS . I AM NOT CHEWING CIGARETTES OR EATING GUTKA PAAN BECAUSE IT NOT GOOD FOR ALL THE PEOPLES .

I AM HAVING VERY MUCH MONEY IN MY PANT EVERYDAY . OPEN FOR YOU WHY BECAUSE I AM NICE GENTLEMAN BUT STILL I AM LIVING WITH MYSELF ONLY . THAT IS WHY I WANT TO PRESS YOU TO MY HANDS . PLEASE TAKE ALL MY THINGS IN YOUR HANDS .

WAITING YOUR URGENT REPLY 

DWARKESH PRASAD JHUNJHUNWALA 


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